Top 10 Ways to Start Your Day Off WRONG

*I have not attempted any of these

10.  Set the Glee version of “Don’t Stop Believin’” as your morning alarm.  While vocal harmonies are where it’s at for me, one million voices blaring through a tiny iphone speaker at 5:45 am is is not pitch perfect.  From irresistible to VERY IRRITABLE!

9.  Pushing snooze when you have to pee.  It just starts to hurt.  If you have to go that bad, you might as well jump in the shower, so you can kill two birds with one stone.  Just sayin’.  

8.  Randomly decide that you are going to start drinking caffeinated coffee.  While this ritual is normal to quite a few, if you are not in that few, you have no idea if caffeine will help you chase your little squirrels or make you start talking like a squirrel.  

7.  “Journaling”.  This only applies to those who own 80 journals with only the first entry written in it.  It normally says something like, “I’ve decided I am going to start journaling.”  This is not helpful friends.  This is journal hoarding.  

6.  “Exercising”.  This only applies to those who own 80 workout DVDs that haven’t been touched since the first time you said, “I’ve decided I am going to start exercising.”  This is not helpful friends.  This is DVD hoarding.  

5.  Tell your husband you will be up in “just a minute”.  You will not.  You lie.

4.  Step into the kitchen and see all of the dishes you said you’d “just do in the morning.”   I don’t know why crusty, sticky food, and the smell of a stale potluck always seems to sound better the night before then just getting the dishes done.  Animals could grow in there.  

3. Telling your children you will make some sort of design of a face out of their breakfast.  The nose will get you every time.

2.  Roll over and greet your husband without brushing your teeth first.  That is just mean.

1. Look at Facebook, check your email, make your lists-- before you take a breath and simply give thanks.  (Note to self)